How to Handle a Breakup with Some Grace

    As any girl knows- at least girls like me, who turn to the internet when they're struggling- there are probably at least 500 self-help articles when it comes to relationships, particularly breakups. Why? I guess because at some point or another everyone goes through one, and none of them are easy. Even the ones where people say "Oh, it was mutual," "Oh, it wasn't a bad breakup," "Oh, we're going to stay friends;" yeah even those are hard. No matter how you spin it, a period of your life is coming to an end and you are having to at least somewhat, if not almost completely, rediscover yourself. In the best of scenarios, you really are able to stay friends (after a period of extreme awkwardness), and it was a healthy, respectful, mutual decision made between people who care for one another. In the worst of scenarios, someone is cheated on, someone is being lied to, the love is lost, fights are had, and people are hurt. Unfortunately, it is these worst scenarios that are far more common. 

 If you have never yet gone through a breakup, especially a nasty one, I genuinely pray that you never have to. If you have however, or are currently going through one, here is a list of potential life savers that will leave you with a new perspective, some dignity, and hopefully as little regret as possible. 

1.    To Rebound or Not to Rebound

There is a common saying in the breakup world that goes "The fastest way to get over the last is to get under the next." While I am in NO WAY encouraging sleeping with someone to get over someone else, the saying does have a bit of value.

When you experience heartbreak, especially if you are the dump-ee rather than the dump-er, your self-confidence can plummet. I will never suggest sex without love, there is too much risk for regret, but I would encourage a good make-out. Put down the Nutella, shower and shave (please), pick out a cute outfit, fix your hair, do your makeup, grab your girls, and head to your local bar. With a couple drinks in your system, you might find yourself loosening up and flirting with the hottie at the pool table. Snag his number, and don't be afraid to have some fun. A few good dates and/or make outs could be exactly what you need to feel beautiful and desirable. However, if you do decide to go the rebound route, I would strongly advise limiting it to one. Have your fun, and move on. You can only run from your feelings for so long, and jumping into a full-fledged fling could just complicate matters.

2.    Give Yourself a Spending Limit Before You Go Shopping

I am one of those girls that shop away their hurt. 'A new me right? Well then I better get some new shoes! And a new shirt, and a new dress, and this weird pocket knife multi-tool, because why not?' If you aren't extremely careful, the next time you check your bank account, you might want to throw up. So decide on an amount that you would be ok with spending to make yourself feel good, at a time when you are not surrounded by all the pretty things. 

3.    Fill Your Time

The last thing you want to do is turn into Elle Woods watching sappy movies and crying into a box of chocolates, while your cuticles run away from you. It is very important to acknowledge your feelings and what you have lost, even have some healthy crying time, but it cannot be all that you do. Go out and do all the things you've been wanting to do, but didn't have time for. Learn a new hobby you've always found interesting. Read that book that everyone is talking about. Pour yourself into your career. Do anything to keep yourself busy, your mind occupied, and your emotions un-wallowed in. 

4.    Exercise

Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make us happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. Or their friends, or their neighbors, or their parents, all of whom are just there to help. (Sorry for all the Legally Blonde references, kind of.) People in your life understand how hard of a situation it is to end a relationship, and they want to be there to help you. The last thing you want to do is bite their head off because you’re cranky or upset. Exercise can boost your mood and improve your days, but it can also help you work on that body that had been put on the back-burner while you binged watched Breaking Bad with your now-ex. Well, you’re back on the market, and getting fit and looking hot will certainly help you feel better and improve any low self-esteem issues you may be facing. Plus, it’s good for you and stuff.

5.    Surround Yourself with Friends and Family

As I said in the last point, your friends and family care about you and want to be there with you through this hard time. Let them. More than likely, at least one person you are close to has been in a similar situation, and can shed some light on it and offer advice. It is also just incredibly wonderful to be around people you love and who love you, at a time when you might not feel so loved. Chances also are, that while you spent the past however long doing things with your ex, you might have neglected the other important people in your life. If you find this to be the case, use this new single-hood as an opportunity to pour into them and strengthen those relationships. 

6.    Discover Yourself

Probably my best piece of advice is to really use your free time to discover who you are and who you want to be, especially if you're young. It is easy to get so caught up in another person that you forget about your own goals and push them to the side. You can get so focused on them or on "us" that you forget about "me." To really thrive in a relationship, you have to be comfortable with yourself and sure of yourself as an individual, not reliant on anyone else. So figure it out. What are the major things you want to accomplish in your life? Is your career one that you find fulfillment in, or one that you are doing for the paycheck? What kind of person do you want to be and how can you work on becoming that person? What activities or hobbies have you set aside-or never tried- that you want to develop? Do you have healthy habits? Is there anything new you could learn? The list could literally go on and on and on. 

    Breakups are hard. There is no two ways about it. But if you set your mind to turning a heartbreak into an accomplishment, and a hard time in your life, into an exciting opportunity for growth, you may find that this could really be one of the best times of your life. 

Fifty Shades of F*cked Up

   Fifty Shades of Grey. Since the release of the trailer, I swore up and down I would never watch this movie. Mostly because I kept reading that the BDSM practices shown in the movie are not safe, and if viewers attempted to replicate them, someone would get hurt; but also because I'm not a fan of looking at my own breasts, much less someone else's for two hours. And yet, there I was, RA on duty on a Friday night, sitting in my pajamas at five o'clock in the afternoon because I couldn't leave the dorm. I'm not sure how, but curiosity finally killed the cat. I found the movie online (if I was gonna watch it, I wasn't going to let them make money from me), and I watched it. 
   My thoughts are so jumbled, I'm not even sure where to start. It was certainly different than I imagined, but I don't know if that's in a good way or a bad way. I also can't figure out if I liked it or not- I liked parts of it but I really disliked other parts. The BDSM is a perfect example. So many times it crosses the line into abuse, specifically with when Christian "punishes" Anastasia in the end. However, it's more than just that one scene that blurs into possible abuse. He extends his control to all aspects of her life, not just in the bedroom: giving her lists of what she can eat, constantly spying on her, getting angry even if she rolls her eyes. I'm certainly no expert on BDSM practices, but that doesn't sound even remotely common to me. 
   Overall I really really liked the character of Anastasia. She was a lot more than I expected. I went into the movie assuming she would be just this simple wide-eyed little girl who just went along with Mr. Grey's every command. But her intelligence and complexity was really refreshing, and the fact that she challenged him and didn't let him get away with shit was not only more realistic, but also more entertaining to watch, since it provided conflict. I totally understand how someone could get sucked into a situation like that. A beautiful and mysterious billionaire wants you and takes an interest in you and when he does help you lose your virginity, he does it gently and kindly and shows you respect. Of course you would be at least willing to give his "interests" a try. But what I don't entirely understand about Ana, is that at times, she liked it. 
   Christian is just confusing. The majority of the movie, he pissed me off. The way he just showed up when Anastasia was visiting her mom, the way he had to control everything, the way he was just so wishy-washy. He kept saying over and over that "that's just how I am" about the punishing and the desire to hit and not letting her touch him and not wanting to sleep in the same bed, but she tried really hard to adapt to his world and try new things for him, but he was so self-absorbed, that he never even attempted to return the favor and just try to act like a normal boyfriend. If you don't like being touched, but your girlfriend, who is going out of her way to try new things for you tries to touch your face or hug you, just let her. Its not that hard. Grit your teeth and fake a smile if you have to. Furthermore, the way their relationship was based solely on sex, and the fact that he didn't even want to try to be normal, really makes it seem like the only thing he thought she was good for was f*cking. She was his little sex toy, and that it. Yes, they're made up people, but it pisses me off. 
   On the other hand though, it was obvious that Ana was changing him. That he did things with her that he had never done with any other girl. And it all came across exceedingly genuine. So in that respect, I guess maybe he was trying to be better? Those couple instances that he "tried," though seemed more like accidents, or slip ups, or even just cons to get her to sign his stupid contract. 
   I don't know when the next movie is set to come out, nor do I care at this moment in time. This one just seemed so much like a movie that middle-aged stay at home moms with mediocre husbands and no sex life get together to watch, and giggle, and fantasize over like school-girls. So, as for now, I won't be seeing the next one. But if I get stuck inside on a Friday night again, apparently all bets are off. 
   

Riley

Available for adoption!

Riley is a male Pitbull mix. He is approx. 4 mths old and weighs 20 lbs. Riley is new at the shelter so we are still learning about him. He is a friendly little guy with a wonderful coat! He will need someone with a little patience as he learns to walk on a leash. If not reclaimed by his owner he will be available 12/7/15

Animals for Adoption

If anyone is looking to give a dog or cat a good home, please let me know! I volunteer at the Conway animal shelter and can certainly help you out! There are lots of good pets looking for owners to love!

Be Inspired

Metastatic cancer took cinematographer Gordon Willis from this world in 2014 at age 82. Famous for his work on all three Godfather movies, his talent speaks for itself. He also worked on a number of other significant films, including Annie Hall, Manhattan, and All the President's Men. Three films he shot- The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, and Annie Hall- all won best picture at the Academy Awards. Between '71 and '77, seven films he shot received a total of 39 academy award nominations, and 19 wins. He himself, earned two Oscar nominations for cinematography for The Godfather Part III and Zelig. Willis worked in almost every genre- from screwball comedy to period pieces to westerns. Editor and publisher of American Cinematographer magazine, Stephen Pizzello stated "If there were a Mount Rushmore for cinematographers, Gordon's features would surely be chiseled into the face." And yet, most people have no idea who Gordon Willis is or was or what he contributed to history or to American culture. Of course, this statement is excluding filmmakers, film students, film historians, etc etc. But Gordan Willis, I doubt was ever a household name and certainly never will be in the future. There just seems to be something wrong with that. That a person can achieve so much in their life and career and shape great pieces of art that undoubtedly touch many people, but go practically unrecognized. And yet not a single American doesn't know the name Kardashian. What a twisted world. I certainly don't have the answers on how to solve such a conundrum, but I would like to challenge myself and those around me to try. Even if it's simple and small. Turn off the reality TV. Put down the Paris Hilton magazine. Focus on what matters and the people who make a difference. Let them inspire you to make a difference as well. 

If Wishes Were Horses

Rodrigo Prieto

  Rodrigo Prieto has worked as a cinematographer on a number of films, both Spanish and American, including We Bought a Zoo, Water for Elephants, Brokeback Mountain, and 8 Mile. The most noticeable and consistent feature in Prieto's work is his use of light and shadow, shallow depth of field, the use of texture, and color. Pools of light flood certain areas of the frame while shadows create contrast. For example in 8 Mile,  a large portion of Jimmy's face is often times lit while the edges of his body and the rest of the frame is filled with shadow. Low key lighting is prominent in several of Prieto's films. Shallow depth of field exists throughout many of the cinematographer's work as well. It is seen mostly in close ups in Water for Elephants, 8 Mile, and Brokeback Mountain. This technique puts us as audience members closer to the characters and in their heads and worlds. Texture comes into play with the use of fog and gives Prieto's images a gritty, realistic feel. In almost every film of Prieto's that I have seen has fog to create texture. The best examples of Prieto's color grading is seen in Brokeback Mountain, We Bought a Zoo, and Water for Elephants. In Brokeback Mountain, blues and greens are dominant creating a cool, yet almost sad at times, tone. We Bought a Zoo has lots teal and yellow as well as green, perfectly fitting the outdoor and nature settings. Water for Elephants is washed in reds, browns, and yellows, adding to the flashback/antique nature and tone/feel to the film. All of the above characteristics of Rodrigo Prieto's work is what makes him one of my personal favorite cinematographers, as well as arguably one of the best modern cinematographers in the industry.